In the Pale Moonlight
by KelaSaar
Summary: As her world begans to crumble after the defeat of the Arishok, Hawke seeks solace in the Chantry, and finds someone quite willing to listen.


A/N - Why must Dragon Age 2 be so ridiculously depressing? Now I feel bad for complaining that DAO wasn't dark fantasy enough. Anyway, writing this while listening to sad, romantic music was part of my attempt to deal with the depressing without professional help, so I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Pale moonlight bathed the Chantry in an ethereal glow as Sebastian Vael walked up the long main hall. He had always loved the Chantry at night, it was so still, so peaceful. As he turned to head up the stairs, he caught sight of a figure out of the corner of his eye. Hawke sat in one of the pews, still as a statue and looking, Sebastian thought, as though the troubles of all of Thedas were weighing down upon her slender shoulders.

Sebastian had never seen her look like that before. She looked so … lost. He couldn't just leave her like that. He walked toward her slowly, and she didn't even seem to notice his approach. "Are you alright Hawke?" he asked, and she started at the sound of his voice.

"Never better" she replied with a weak smile, her eyes not quite meeting his gaze.

"I always took you to be a better liar" he replied, slipping down to sit beside her.

"I must be getting out of practice."

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to Hawke, but it might do you some good. You keep too much bottled up, it's not healthy."

"It's nothing, really" Hawke sighed, looking away from him again. Sebastian gently reached over and touched her cheek, turning her face toward his. "If it was really nothing you wouldn't be sitting alone in the Chantry in the middle of the night" he said softly.

With the touch of his hand, it seemed that the last of Hawke's resolve crumbled, and it was then that he noticed that her eyes were glistening. "It's just, it's just everything" she exclaimed as she stood up and began pacing back and forth with the same nervous energy as a caged predator.

"Ever since I became 'the champion' ", she spat out the title, "everything's changed. It feels like the world is falling apart and the more I try to hold on, the more it just slips through my fingers. Three years ago, I had a home, and a family, I was so happy," she said raking her hands through her hair.

"Kirkwall has been more of a home to me than Lothering ever was, and it is killing me to have to watch it tear itself apart. I just fell so helpless" she paused, gazing down at him.

Sebastian had never seen this side of Hawke before. Normally she was so calm, so in control, with a snarky word for every situation. Seeing her like this made his heart ache. He stood and gathered her in his arms before he had a chance to think better of it. He couldn't help but notice how comfortably her head fit against his shoulder, or how warm her breath was against his neck.

"You're only human Hawke. You've done enough for Kirkwall as it is. What happens here is in the Maker's hands, not yours."

Hawke leaned into his embrace for a moment before saying with a sad sigh, "but that's not even the worst part." "Then what is?" Sebastian murmured into her hair. "Anders." Sebastian stiffened when she spoke the apostate's name, but Hawke didn't seem to notice as she plunged ahead, the words tumbling out of her.

"He's so different lately, one moment he's full of melancholy, the next he's full of manic energy. He's moody, and obsessed, and it's like the man I fell in love with is barely in there sometimes. I … I think he's fading, and I'm afraid for him. He says I'm the only thing keeping him sane, his one bright light, but I feel like I'm letting him down, like I should be doing more, but I don't even know where to start."

Sebastian took in all she said, and was rather grateful she couldn't see his face, for he feared it revealed far too much. "Anders is a dangerous man" he began, but Hawke cut him off, the heartache in her voice giving way to anger.

"It's not just him, you're part of the problem too," she said, leaning back to look up into his face. "I'm so sick of listening to the two of you fight. We're supposed to be a family, all of us. Isabella, Varric, Aveline, Fenris, you, and Anders, you're all I have left, and we've all been through so much together, why can't you and Anders see that? Why can't you at least try to get along?" she asked, the anger leaving her voice, replaced with a hint of desperation.

She needed them to get along, he realized, and watching the tensions rise as their little group fell apart as slowly and surely as the rest of Kirkwall was destroying her.

"I don't know about him" he said after a long moment, "but I'll try, for your sake, if not his." Hawke gave him a rueful smile. "Thank you Sebastian" she said softly, and then she leaned in and brushed her lips lightly across his cheek.

Sebastian gazed after her as she left the quiet Chantry, watched her as she walked down the long aisle before she stopped at the door and looked back at him. "And Sebastian" she said, "thank you for listening to me. I know I probably sounded ridiculous, but you were right. It felt good to talk to someone."

"Anytime Hawke, I'll be here if you need me," Sebastian replied, as he watched Hawke disappear into the night.


End file.
